The coach’s call–letting your coach do her job!

I could see the frustration rising right up to her blond pigtail braids. “I said CANTER, Captain!” she shouted as the lanky thoroughbred  trotted unperturbed around the arena.

“Sweetie, I think you need to sit deeper in the saddle,” her mother offered.

The pigtails whipped around as the girl turned. “I know what I’m doing, mom.”

I gestured the girl over to me. “Hey there. Captain’s getting a bit confused, huh? He needs you to straighten up really tall and just park your butt in the saddle when you ask him to canter. If you don’t sit deep and you keep posting, you’re just telling him to trot fast, okay?”

The girl nodded enthusiastically. “Okay! Let me try it again.”

Now this whole exchange hardly seems fair. The mother was right, but factualness in her answer couldn’t change one important thing: the fact that she was a mother. For some reason, hearing something from a coach versus hearing something from a parent for some kids is the difference between swallowing a teaspoon of sugar and swallowing an onion. Whole.

Picking a good coach can be as hard as finding the perfect pair of jeans; that’s why I have a whole entry on doing just that (LINK).

But once you have, there’s a new challenge: letting your coach coach. If your daughter asks you questions and you have the solutions, then briiing—buzz in and answer! But interfering in a lesson, even (and sometimes especially) if you are right just puts too many chefs in the kitchen.

I spent four straight years riding my horse Noah with reins that were whole inches too short. I couldn’t bring myself to just let go, to give my poor darling some slack (literally and figuratively) and trust him. I had him so wrapped up that every time a coach insisted I lengthen my reins, Noah would surge forward into the sudden emptiness—and I would triumphantly insist, “See? He won’t go the speed I want if I let him have the reins.” Finally someone insisted back, “Well, correct him AND THEN LET GO AGAIN.”

That was one of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn in riding. Turns out, it applies to people too.

Now the one exception is if you truly feel uncomfortable with something the coach is suggesting. Coaches are human and thus perfectly capable of making mistakes, and there is nothing wrong with calling attention to something that concerns you.

So as long as your daughter is safe and happy, you get to stay in your front-row seat and watch her grow. Considering how much effort you’re pouring into all the other areas in her life, maybe you can savor the break!